WHAT comes to mind when you think of sex addicts in recovery?

Sleazy men in trench coats trying to have sex with nymphomaniac Girls Gone Wild? Platoons of strippers who love their jobs more than is healthy? Or perhaps it’s the image of yet another celebrity caught in a cheating scandal, vowing to “get help”?
In reality, says sex and love addict Zoe*, “recovery meetings are the least sexually charged environment you could ever imagine! Less sexy than church. Everyone is there because of the consequences and their addiction, and they’re there for a solution.”“In any recovery you’ll get people who are putting it out there,” says former model Libby*.
“When I first came into treatment, I was so sick I enjoyed being in meetings where I knew I could get men’s attention. I dressed in a push-up bra; massive heels. I even had a vibrator in my bag. Back then I had no boundaries around what was appropriate, but a lot of my recovery came from listening to men and hearing the other side.

“When you see people’s remorse and genuinely wanting to change, you see them as people, not a means to make yourself feel better.”
Tom entered treatment two years ago when his marriage crumbled and he found himself acting out with drugs and prostitutes.But he believes the “addiction” started earlier. “I can remember as a kid, my parents were quite emotionally withdrawn, and so every time I experienced anxiety and fear, I’d alleviate it through some kind of distraction,” he says. “Eventually I discovered sex and masturbation as a primary coping mechanism.

“At school I’d hide magazines and obsess over when I could look at them. The adrenaline of acquiring and hiding pornography was a potent aspect of the addiction because of the possibility of discovery and humiliation.”

As an adult, Tom continued to use sex and porn as a way to alleviate anxiety and depression. “Even though I had an active sex life with my wife, I used prostitutes and erectile dysfunction medication as a kind of ‘peak experience’. I slept with people I was attracted to at the expense of anything else.”

“Once I get into the state of anticipation around a reward, the consequential thinking part of me just switches off. It’s exactly the same sequence of a drug addict or alcoholic who has two beers and goes on to drink for three days. You introduce the substance or trigger for arousal, it switches off your control.”

ADDICTED TO LOVE?
Sex and love addiction manifests in a variety of compulsive behaviour patterns. For some it’s sex and pornography, for others it could play out as emotional anorexia, or an addiction to co-dependent relationships, romantic or fantasy obsession.

“It’s different to a crush or being in love,” explains Zoe, a management consultant in her early 30s. “That obsession with someone is destructive to every area of my life. It affected my friendships, health, and work.”

Libby came into treatment because she found herself obsessing over relationships that had little basis in reality. “I’d get crumbs of affection from someone and then feed that addiction by listening to romantic music, and project a whole fantasy of the relationship,” she says.

“I based my self-worth on the way strangers looked at me. If they fancied me, I felt OK. If not, I was devastated. But positive attention didn’t help — I just wanted more of it.”

What should I do I love my boss out of mind

MY boss gives me the most incredible orgasms and has become like a drug to me. I have a boyfriend, though, who doesn’t deserve all this. He’s 29 and I’m 27. We are both estate agents but work in different branches.My boss came in to take over my branch. He is 38 and has a reputation as a womaniser, so my boyfriend wasn’t happy.We clicked and flirted outrageously from day one. We had a team night out and my boss and I were the last ones there. We had a drunken kiss and couldn’t keep our hands off each other.We stumbled outside and had sex. Then the sexy texts started.I didn’t give my boyfriend a thought. My boss had to give me my appraisal and the sexual chemistry was off the scale. Everyone had gone home and he pulled me into the back room. We had sex again and I had an orgasm like never before.

I was hooked. A work pal got married and as my boyfriend was working, I went with my boss. All the guests thought we were a couple. We sneaked off into a side room and had sex.
A girl at work got suspicious and I saw how she looked at us. My boss said he is falling for me and wants to leave his partner.

We had our annual awards dinner and my boss stayed at our house as it was close to the venue. My boyfriend was there.My boss kept touching me and caressing my bottom but my boyfriend didn’t say anything. I cried the next day.

My boyfriend is so lovely. He doesn’t deserve this. I don’t want to hurt him or for him to look a fool at work. The sex isn’t so great any more but we are great in every other way. It is him I want and only him.

I’ve told my boss it can’t go on but I’m not sure I can stick to it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Well done for trying to step back before lasting damage is done. It’s not your boss who is the drug, it’s the sex. When he said he wanted to be with you full-time, you got cold feet.

You’ve enjoyed the rush of doing something naughty but it’s your boyfriend you love.

Secrecy and novelty are aphrodisiacs but there is lots you can do to spice up your sex life with your boyfriend and help him give you amazing orgasms. My e-leaflet Women & Orgasm can help.

Tell your boss your relationship is purely professional now. If you get a chance to move to another branch or another company, grab it. Don’t risk turning your world upside-down for cheap thrills in the office.

Read this.. 5 things WhatsApp could do to your relationship

You can tell a lot about a person from their WhatsApp profile pictures and status update. WhatsApp has been the start and ruin of many relationships I know. It is the custodian of infidelity. Both men and women are victims of this app that is both a cause of so much joy and so much pain.

I have had my flirting moments on WhatsApp, and boy, aren't they charming? If you stumble upon a chatty lady and you are charming enough or drunk, you can flirt your way to her heart or bed. WhatsApp has taught me a lot.

For starters, WhatsApp has taught people to be better snoopers of their partners' phones. Everyone who suspects their partner to be cheating only needs random check-ups on their partner's phones and sure as hell, you always come across a man or a woman who is wrecking your relationship.

It is a pretty straightforward thing. Ask for their phone. Any moment of hesitation means they are up to some mischief. Should they give you the phone, scroll to the bottom where anyone who has chatted with your partner,but has had his or her message deleted, will be resting.

 There is a reason why individuals delete messages. If the deleted message belongs to those of the opposite sex and about his or her age, then be very worried.

Secondly, it fuels infidelity. Any man with the ability to flirt can melt the heart of even the toughest and most faithful woman. Yet, flattery and flirting are skills every Tom, Dick and Harry with a smart phone so much possesses nowadays. Ever wondered why every young woman is constantly grinning, laughing and smiling when scrolling through their smartphones?

It is simple; any fool with a phone that can access Internet is transformed into a world star comedian in the presence of a woman he desires. That is why they go out of their way to send crazy photos, memes, quotes, videos and jokes. And women appreciate humour, regardless of the source. So, if a man, be careful about men who make your woman laugh. You got to guard her jealously.

Thirdly, WhatsApp is a source of so much immaturity. You can tell how mature or immature a person is by what they have as their pictures or statuses. Women, especially younger or older but insecure, have this annoying habit of putting their boyfriends or husbands in their profile pictures - as if to ward off unwarranted attention.

I find this a weak way of handling situations. What if you break up the following day. Because, no sooner do you change the status or the picture than people derive conclusions and soon hyenas will be upon you. It is good to be proud of your partner, but the less you make it public, the better. Having a photo of your partner is no more a deterrence than going to church makes a politician less corrupt.

Fourth, women can be sneaky and conceited. Ever met women who think everyone is stalking them? So they quit WhatsApp, or they turn off the time notification and you will never know when they are online.

Some have told me it is a way of avoiding idlers who make their life difficult. I think, this is conceit at worst. You can tell someone you are busy or to just get off your back. You don't have to be antisocial. I always suspect that women who have turned off their WhatsApp notification are up to some mischief.

I’m having passionate sex with my brother-in-law though I love my husband

I’M having passionate sex with my brother-in-law though I love my husband dearly and I don’t want to hurt him.I first had a fling with my husband’s elder brother three years ago just after my husband and I got engaged.He is a sexy guy and a demanding lover — such a turn on — but we nearly got caught so I managed to resist him after that. Until now.I am 23 and my husband is 24. We had a little girl six months ago and have been blissfully happy.

We are doing up our cottage. My brother-in-law has a plumbing business and came round for a few days to install our central heating.
One morning we had a coffee when the baby had a sleep and suddenly found ourselves kissing. I managed to stop him going further then but the next day I couldn’t resist and we had sex, as I knew we would. He says he thinks about me all the time and I drive him wild. He is 30 and has been married for five years and has two kiddies.
I told him it must never happen again and part of me feels terribly guilty.
My husband trusts me. He is gentle, sweet and loving, and the other guy is a more demanding lover. I think about him all the time, even when me and my husband are having sex.

Know How to Break the Cycle of Verbal and Emotional Abuse in your life

Most partners who end up in the whirlwind of verbal and emotional abuse don’t remember how they’ve arrived there. You aren’t supposed to fear the person you married or are in love with. We grow up believing in someone who will understand and support us with respect. When that turns, we’re left questioning ourselves.
Therapists and psychologists describe a cycle of abuse, using terms like “the incident,” “honeymoon,” “tension building” but each relationship has its own pattern.
Abusers seek those they can control or empower. Once the door is open, they typically use tools like isolation, intimidation, denial, criticism, and blame with breaks for either reconciliation or uncomfortable silence.
We can think of abuse as we would joining a cult. At first, the cult leaders court potential members by ensuring them how loved they are. “Nobody cares for you like I do.” Once trust is gained, the cult isolates the member from family or friends. Without a voice of reason or outside support, the member becomes dependent on the cult. Typically, cults break down their members using similar strategies as an abuser does to gain even more control till the member fears leaving and loses a sense of self.
Those of us who have been involved in abusive relationships often share we knew something wasn’t right from the start, sometimes following a whirlwind romance. There may have been signs of possessiveness and jealousy, criticism about our choices, from career to what we wore to our friends.
We thought if we made everything perfect, the cycle would stop but nothing is ever good enough. We share our feelings and fears, only to have them used against us as a battering ram during an incident. Nothing is off limits.
Abusers are crafty. They know how to balance the behavior and hide their behavior from others. They use a technique commonly referred to as gas lighting to convince their targets that what happened was in the partner’s imagination or “You’re being too sensitive.” Abusers are often narcissists, placing all blame on the other and denying their actions or words. “You started it. You have control over your feelings. If that makes you angry or upset, that’s your problem.”
Eventually, the abused partner lives in constant fear. The “calmer” times when the abuser is either showering the partner with gifts and affection or just ignoring the partner with icy silence are anxiety provoking as we wait for the next explosion, which we know is going to happen.
So, what can we do to stop this insidious cycle of abuse?
Excellent information on verbal and emotional abuse. Understanding what you’re experiencing is empowering and the first step to change.
Secondly, surround yourself with supportive people or at least one good friend with whom you can confide. Domestic violence counseling, both individual and group, can help you understand what has happened and also to strategize to make a change in your responses or develop an exit strategy should you decide to leave.
Thirdly, rebuild your confidence. Learn to love yourself again and treat yourself well. This will probably enrage the abuser because he will fear he’ll lose you but this isn’t about placating the abuser. This is about taking care of yourself.
Fourthly, change your response, not to appease the abuser but to protect yourself.
Patricia Evans says, “Generally, verbal abuse defines people, telling them what they are, what they think, their motives. The best way to deal with a verbally abusive relationship, whether you are the target or the perpetrator, is to find out everything you can about verbally abusive relationships and their dynamics. Usually one person is blaming, accusing, even name calling, and the other is defending and explaining.”
In his book, “Why Does He do that?” Lundy Bancroft provides insight into angry, controlling men and advice for improving, surviving, or leaving an abusive relationship. Ending an abusive relationship does require a healing and forgiving yourself.
If you are parenting with your abuser, you need to come up with a new way of relating to the abuser. There will still be times when a comment brings up old feelings of flight or flight and an overbearing need to defend yourself. Take a deep breath and remember that though the abuser’s comments may bring pain, the issue is his to own. You’re strong and can walk away.

Know the that Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life and regular contributor to NBC’s Today show says, “There’s no one hundred percent fix aside from a locking a chastity belt but a couple can do things on both parts to make an affair less likely.”
1. Address problems with your partner. When we don’t talk about what’s bothering us, we tend to want to find someone’s shoulder to cry on. Be careful about discussing your grievances over and over again with someone who isn’t your partner.  
2. Be involved in your partner’s life. If a wife (or husband) has frequent dinner or late night meetings with business associates, why not suggest “Let’s all have dinner together?” adds Dr. Saltz. “Keep your partner abreast of what’s going on and let her or him know you’re interested.”
3. Watch out for that second or third cocktail. If you’re on a business trip with the “work spouse,” avoid that extra glass or wine or martini. Drinking can lower inhibitions. If you’re disgruntled with your partner, have had a few drinks and its midnight, it’s easy to share you’re miserable –- and there’s someone there.
4. be honest with yourself. Dr. Saltz notes, “If you want to look nice when you get together with so-and-so, touch the other person, or say things you wouldn’t be saying if your spouse were there, that may be a hint you’re crossing the line.”
5. Keep the home fires stoked. The latest research shows for women, Engage with your partner to make sure she feels wanted and that you’re still attracted to her. Since the brain loves novelty, it’s easy to get sidetracked by the new guy or girl, especially if she (or he) is not getting attention at home.
6. Don’t air the dirty laundry. Whether you’re sharing marital complaints with your office mate or with an online friend of the opposite sex, you may be setting the stage for an emotional affair. When you're sharing more with a friend of the opposite sex than you do with your mate, you've crossed that line. Add in some physical attraction and you may even be heading towards a physical affair.
7. Step away from secrets. One sign of emotional infidelity is secrecy. If you (or your spouse) is keeping a “friendship” secret, the likelihood of an emotional affair increases exponentially. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to clean house of all your friends of the opposite sex. But, be upfront about the friendship.
8. Keep work relationships nine to five. If you’re meeting for drinks after work or grabbing dinner, perhaps you should invite your husband or wife along. Transparency is everything and may keep the relationship in the friend zone.
9. Beware crossing the line. Consider if you'd be okay with your spouse sharing that slightly news email or joke. There may be no sure way to affair-proof a marriage like you would child-proof the cabinets but you can lessen the chances with regular communication and trying to meet each other’s needs, both emotionally and sexually. It’s easy to fall into the pattern of being too exhausted or distracted after work or a day spent chasing after the kids. But, staying attentive to each other is essential to maintaining intimacy
                        

Seven Things Which I have learned During My First Year of Divorce

Here are a few tips to ease the burden during this difficult time:

1. If you were married for any length of time, it’s very important that you allow yourself the appropriate amount of grieving time before you jump into a new relationship. When I was single, when one relationship ended, I was never alone for more than a week.
This practice did not translate after more than two decades of marriage. Case in point: shortly after my divorce was final I reconnected with a former lover.
We knew the drill so to speak so it didn’t take long after our initial re connection for things to take a sharp turn to serious. And hey, we’ve all heard that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one!
Not true in my case because ultimately this whole experience, while a nice trip down memory lane, didn’t do anything but delay my healing process. Please don’t make this mistake.

2. While I don’t think you should become celibate, you should definitely date the following men in moderation: Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, Pino Grigio, his cousin Pino Noir, Captain Morgan and Sam Adams. Remember the kid’s song about hunting for a bear? When looking through tall grass for the bear: “You can’t go under it, you can’t go over it, can’t go around it, gotta go through it.” Going through a divorce and its aftermath is pretty much the same thing. You have to go through the grieving process. Drinking in excess just delays the inevitable.

3. A wise man named Tom Cruise once said, in the movie Cocktail, “All things end badly, otherwise they wouldn’t end.” This is an understatement when it comes to high conflict divorces. To that end, I found that mastering the art of “no contact” or “as little contact as possible” is the way to go when it comes to high conflict divorces. Due to my children’s adult status when I divorced, I went with option A: no contact.
I had received incidental emails related to tying up loose ends in 2014 and had absolutely no contact in 2015. One could argue that my “better year status”, earned in 2015, was due in part to my strict enforcement of no contact. And one would be correct. Do yourself a favor and bring on that better year status quicker by having no contact as humanly possible, ASAP!

4. Getting a divorce is like being on the precipice of a dark, scary void. Taking those first few steps into that abyss is definitely frightening and often times challenging, but after being there for a while you appreciate the unknown and start to embrace it. Only when you embrace it does the world become open to new possibilities for you.
New possibilities could include starting a new job, furthering your education, trying new hobbies or meeting new people. This is another great argument against committing yourself too soon to another person after you divorce because those doors might close prematurely. And let’s face it; divorced moms who have spent the majority of their time caring for their children and their husbands often get their needs pushed to the bottom of the pile. You’re traveling lighter now; act accordingly.  

5. Divorce is NOT a tragedy. Staying in a bad marriage is a much bigger tragedy because who wants to waste their time? Even if you didn’t want your divorce, look at it this way, why would you want to stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Learn from the relationship; think about what you might do better next time and save that for a person who will truly cherish you.

6. Weekends and holidays can be especially painful during the first year. During my first year, I dreaded weekends more than a root canal. It’s not like I had particularly awesome weekends when I was married either but we humans love our routines, even if they are nothing special.
To combat my weekend blues my second year I accepted invitations to anything I was invited to whether I wanted to go or not. Soon I started creating my own opportunities by volunteering, joining Meet Ups and even creating a Meet Up of my own. My weekends are no longer lonely!

7. With regard to holidays; those can be more challenging but they are also an opportunity. You can re-create them into something you fashion with your children, siblings or parents, or any combination of the three. Let’s face it, some of our old family traditions with our in-laws were probably not the best, or in my case, worthy of an appearance on the Jerry Springer show. This is a great reason to switch things up.

9 Reason Why Staying With a Cheater Is Worse Than Being Alone:

Why Staying With a Cheater Is Worse Than Being Alone:
1. It was their choice to cheat:
No matter how you slice it, cheating is not a mistake and please don't ever let anyone tell you that it is, especially a cheater. It is a choice; a series of very deliberate choices actually, that lead a cheater to sleep with someone who is not their spouse. This is done with no regard for the faithful spouse. It's hard to continue living with someone when you finally get that they purposefully chose to hurt you. 
2. They put your health in jeopardy:
There is no sugar coating the reality that unprotected sex with someone else while the cheater is still having sex with you, puts your life in jeopardy. Sexually transmitted diseases are no joke. Feel like a friendly game of Russian roulette? No, you say? The difference between the latter and the former? Not much except I asked if you wanted to play. Most faithful spouses are not given that choice by the cheater and if they will make that choice once, they may very well, make it again.
3. They don't respect you:
Let's face it, intimate betrayal is the most egregious act you can make against marriage vows. Cheaters disrespect the cheated-on in about the worst way possible when it comes to marriage. Staying with them after the fact will not likely earn you more respect from them. As an added bonus they are more likely to repeat the behavior because they got away with it the first time.
4. You won't respect yourself:
While we're on the topic of respect; you can flush self-respect and self-esteem right down the ole porcelain facilities after the discovery of an affair. It takes a very long time and a lot of work for a faithful spouse to finally come to the realization that their spouse's affair says everything about the cheater's character and nothing about them. In the mean time they wonder incessantly what that 'other person' has that they don't. 
5. You can't win this game:
Staying with a cheating spouse automatically enrolls you in a game that you can never win because the outcome is rigged. You feel like you're in constant competition with this other person but you never really know what you need to do to win the game. You're best to follow the advice of the computer in the movie War Games:  "The only winning move is not to play."
6. Goodbye trust:
You will never trust him/her the same way. Some people will tell you that "blind trust" isn't good anyway so you're just better off without it. I don't know what blind trust is, but I'm here to tell you that is not what I had with my ex. If I did, I never would have suspected him of cheating in the first place! I trusted him like most spouses trust their husbands or wives.
Unfortunately I never fully grasped just how important that trust is until I didn't have it anymore. At all! Rebuilding that trust to the same place it was before the affair is just not possible; unless you can get your hands on one of those mind eraser pens from Men In Black.
7. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior:
It's just a plain, fun fact. And yes, I do understand the proclivity to "Dance with the devil you know." Let's just remember what that devil already did. This philosophy often goes hand in hand with the fallacy that "everybody cheats" and the ludicrous statement "there are no guarantees that you won't end up with another cheater." The former is a fear tactic because everyone does not cheat! The latter is a ludicrous fear tactic because I don't have any guarantees of anything, including my next breath. Quite frankly, I'd rather take my chances with someone who has a clear slate thank you very much!
8. Triggers
OMG do those little buggers suck! Every year around the anniversary that a faithful spouse discovers they are living with Mr./Mrs. Cheater McCheaterson, their mind brings back every single memory as though it just happened. During that initial year post discovery, those triggers play on a psychotic loop that could be likened to the movie Ground Hog day. Of course, your version doesn't star Andie Macdowell to make it endearing. Affair triggers literally disappear when you divorce. While you may get other triggers to take their place, it's nothing like affair triggers.
9. You deserve better
It is by far the best reason I favor being alone over staying with a cheater. If you take nothing else from this article, please take that!

9 Things that you supposed to know before Divorcing an Abuser

Abusers, according to many experts in this field, learn this behavior as children and rarely change it. In fact, they very often continue the behavior after divorce and against just about anyone who will allow it without consequences or accountability, including their own children.
Divorcing this type of person brings eventual freedom from the fear and chaos, a double life and pain, but it should be done carefully.
Here are my suggestions, based on my own experience and the many years I've spent researching this horrible dynamic: (I use the male pronoun for the abuser, though I know that in about 5% of domestic abuse cases, the abuser is a woman.)
Stop all couples counseling immediately. It will not work and it will provide your abuser with valuable information he can use against you in the future. And do not tell him that you are considering a divorce. This is very important for your safety.
Seek immediately trauma treatment therapy, preferably with a licensed clinical social worker, trained in domestic abuse.
Next, you need to find a good, emphatic attorney willing to listen to the importance of bringing the domestic abuse history into the case. Do not use an attorney who tells you not to or that because of "No Fault" divorce, it isn't relevant.
Tell your family and friends, your employer and your church pastor, everyone, that you are the victim of domestic abuse at the hands of your spouse and that you will be leaving soon and may need their help. I understand why you have been leading a double life and keeping quiet the abuse your have been suffering. I also understand why you have tried to sweep it under the rug for the sake of the children and your own fantasy that it will get better. But, you must find the strength to do this. It is very important.
You may want to get a restraining order with the advice of your therapist, attorney and domestic abuse center. You need to think of this like dealing with a dangerous illnesses that requires a multi-disciplined approach. Don't just talk to an attorney, most don't understand abuse. But, you need to understand the legal aspects, too.

Love tips 5 Signs to Help You Recognize Emotional Abuse from your lover

Are you or someone you know experiencing emotional abuse? Although many of us are aware of how to recognize physical abuse, the damaging effects from emotional abuse can be just as powerful and devastating as physical abuse.

Sadly, emotional abuse is still largely ignored by our society and many times those experiencing it are not even aware that they are being abused in an on-going way that has detrimental consequences for their health both physically and emotionally as well as long-term consequences for their children.

In her book, “Emotional Abuse,” therapist Martini Loring describes how emotional abuse can erode both the inner and outer core of well-being of those who are being abused and the reasons why this type of abuse is often not identified as abuse.

“Many are convinced that they are at fault and thus do not perceive themselves as abused. When they seek out a therapist, it is usually to deal with symptoms such as suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts, terrified clinging behavior, and pervasive feelings of confusion and unreality.”

Since there are rarely legal consequences for these types of harmful behaviors and they are so difficult to prove, many of those who experience emotional abuse are convinced that they themselves are to blame.

Here are just five of the signs Loring shares in her book that can indicate emotional abuse.

5 Signs to Recognize Emotional Abuse:
Criticizing and Name Calling: And doing so in a clear and consistent pattern in an effort to demean and control.
Withholding Affection: When your partner is not demonstrating empathy toward you and you find that your feelings and needs are significantly discounted on an on-going basis.
Interfering with Opportunities: When you are not permitted to seek a job, medical care, have access to finances or your partner restricts or monitors use of your email, computer or phone.
Threatening life, pets, property or family: This may also include implied threats, throwing, punching and kicking things, driving recklessly with you in the car and other acts that cause you to fear what may happen next.
Threatening to Abandon (physically or emotionally):  When your partner keeps you on edge and extremely fearful of having to live on your own without adequate access to money, resources or support.
When emotional abuse continues to twist and turn along its insidious path of destruction, not only is you’re psychological and emotional health at risk—your physical well-being is also likely to take a turn for the worse. Enduring emotional abuse often leads to migraines, stomach problems, auto-immune disorders such as lupus and fibrillation and other chronic illnesses.

Knowing how to identify some of the key signs of emotional abuse is the first step toward taking control of your life so that you can look for the support and guidance you need now to move forward in a healthier way for both you and your children.

Tips Do Not Stay One More Minute in an Abusive Relationship According to scientist

“I will wait until my last child graduates and then I’m getting the hell out of here!”
She says this with pride. She refuses to let her children suffer by leaving before they're grown. She is strong enough to make it one more year in this abusive relationship. She will not leave her friends and a close commute just yet because doing so would make it seem as though her husband won.
I do not understand her pain because I have not lived it. I have not lived in a world that measured my worth by the length of my hair or the curve of my chest. I have not been forcefully hit by someone that did so for the mere fact that they were stronger than me and thus knew I could not hit back without dire consequence. I have not been belittled by someone whose confidence was boosted by said belittling and had a definite feeling that my gender alone would likely prevent me from defending said belittling.
But I feel her pain. Anyone that believes in equality, has an empathetic heart and loves our fellow humans feels it too.
I hate that he can strike her and thus strike at her confidence, self-worth, and courage.
I hate that he can verbally abuse her. And I hate that the abuse and belittling can render a lifetime of compliments and affirmations useless.
I hate that he and other ignorant buffoons see him as a man simply because he has a pool stick and two cue balls.
I hate that she has cried in pain while he has explained away his words and actions in anger while she rests in a corner thinking this is as good as it gets.
But more than all of this, I hate that she is waiting until that last child graduates before she gets the hell out of there.
If she does not get the hell out of there sooner, his words and actions may have her lying in a corner unconscious.
His pool stick and two cue balls may be in a game of billiards with another woman that will eventually fall victim to the same buffoonery that he cast on her.
All of the compliments and affirmations would be moot, if not words in a write-up used to describe her legacy.
And all because the self-worth and courage she let him steal were on hold for another 12 months.
I want to have a conversation with you (her), so please give me the time of day. I feel you even if I don’t know you. I am a man that has never been abused and, thus, I have no idea what it is like to live in your shoes. I proceed to write this thing and pour my heart out to you and run the risk that you will not read it, chalk it off as another person with an opinion, or give it some thought and ultimately stay on your current 12-month path.
Thirty-three years ago, my mother left my birth father. My last recollection of him before this happened was a hit to my mom’s head with a flashlight. The second to the last thing I remember was him putting a cigarette out on her cheek because she would not get up and change the channel on the television. Moving backward from that, I recall punches to the stomach, words like “stupid bitch” and “ugly ragdoll”.
That same birth father tried to come back into our lives 24 years ago when I was 16. He had visitation, at my mother’s discretion, and nothing more. My recollections during these visitations are of him getting high with my siblings in a hotel room, calling me a faggot because I did not like to fish and hunt, and missing a visitation weekend because he overdosed on cocaine.
Despite these hard times, my head and my heart can feel nothing but pride and thanks for my mother who, by virtue of divorcing him 33 years ago, ensured that she would be around to raise us and that his poor judgments were limited to a scope of a few months before his visitations ended. I sit here today because my mother was around to raise me right because she left him when she did.
I have had over 400 clients, and a significant percentage of them have been women. The second worst story I’ve had to tell my wife is that I had a friend’s friend who was abused by her husband for four years before she killed herself. Her reason? She did not have the strength to leave but she was dying inside because of the impact the abuse was having on her children. She knew that they knew what was going on.
The worst story was something I just shared with my 14-year-old daughter. I had a client, 45 years old, that was waiting for her kids to graduate high school before she would leave. Her rationale was tied to money and stability for her children. She wanted to leave because her husband was openly cheating on her and he would call her names and belittle her on the regular.
What’s more, her daughter, 17, saw this. Now, this client is still very much alive, and yet, I consider it a lot worse story than the friend's friend who killed herself. When her daughter turned 21, she got engaged to a guy that was verbally abusive to her. And while he never physically struck her, his hand and fist were in the ready position on a number of occasions. When the mother asked the daughter what would possess her to be with such a jackass, the daughter did not respond. But the mother knew. To this day, she cannot forgive herself for the example she set by staying in such a negative situation.
That quote I pasted at this top of this article is yours. It is also hers. And hers too. And hers as well. You are not alone. There are other women going through this same thing that would love to go through it with someone in their same boat. You have family. You have friends. You have the gargantuan resource that is the Internet. You have your kids and they really need you to have their sixes. You have your job or your hobbies, those things that can take you out of the negativity that’s caused by the one person you should no longer have in your life.
But above all of this, you have you. The same you that boys chased in high school and college. The same you that makes people laugh. That you that you know people come to when they need a shoulder to cry on. You are you, and that person that should no longer be in your life should not be allowed to erase you. Those children you are sticking it out for 12 more months for should get the you back that they know exists. We both know that will not happen if you stay in that abusive relationship one day longer.

Love Tips Why Women With Perfect Husbands Are Unfaithful

Perfect is such an imperfect word largely because the attributes of perfection are many and different from one person to another. This is an important point in the areas of marriage, perceived happiness and infidelity.
Why does one partner cheat on the other when they have such a perfect spouse? Well, in simple terms, it's because the idea of a perfect spouse is itself flawed. The same is true of the perfect marriage.
Culturally, it's the feeling that a perfect marriage for women has the attributes of the Cinderella story and other 'like' fairy tales:
v  Nice house
v  Beautiful kids
v  Attractive husband
v  Lots of wooing
In more updated pop culture storybooks, there are other additives that have come out to portray the more modern and realistic woman and her needs.  
Passionate and unselfish sex
An edge of adventure  
When these things aren't present and can't be found in the marriage, there may be infidelity. I call it the Bill Pullman effect. If you don't know him by name you'll surely remember him as the actor of While You Were Sleeping and Sleepless in Seattle. He was always the 'vanilla' choice of the female lead. And why, because he didn't knock their socks off. Or, to use a word from the title of both movies, he had them 'sleeping'. This can be an issue for wives and it's the single biggest contributor for them cheating on good men.
Passionate and unselfish sex is the bees’ knees and the wings to women. And it's rare. And women pine. This is especially true as they get older and their sexual prime is the Benjamin Button to men's. So yes, there will be times when women aren't getting their needs met at home and so they stray.
The notion that women want bad boys is flawed and overly general. But, women do want men that have an edge and a sense of adventure. For that matter, they want a relationship and life with these things. Jamie Lee Curtis in 'True Lies' might ring a bell. She was married to a successful guy but they never did anything crazy or spontaneous. She needed to feel like her life wasn't as good as it gets. She needed to feel alive again. And so she strayed. Ditto for Diane Lane in 'Unfaithful'.
In both cases above, the husbands can be good husbands, even perfect from the eyes of others. But they weren't perfect in the eyes of the straying wife. Things are more complicated than that.
As well, there's another aspect to cheating wives in 'perfect' marriages with the 'perfect' husband. In this aspect, there are kids and/or a stressful job in the equation. And, there is little relief in their mind. I call this the outlet effect.
Kim and Mark have beautiful children that need school clothes and play soccer and leave mud tracks around the house. Kim is balancing this with a successful career. What isn't balanced are the roles between her and Mark when it comes to the kids and the house. She is overwhelmed by things and doesn't feel as though Mark understands. Kim needs an outlet and Kim strays.
Life and love are about connections and the ability to fully be. Women who cheat are trying to make connections that they can't find in their marriage. I'm not condoning cheating but I am putting the rationale into perspective. The picket fence and big rock are nice but there comes a time when women want that fire and men, by and large, can become very comfortable and complacent when it comes to marriage. Men have simpler needs and thus love and give on simpler terms.
I will end this article with a parting though that really puts a bow around this reality. There are no such things as perfect husbands (or wives), just someone that is perfect for someone else. When women stray, it's because her husband isn't perfect for her.

The End. 

Love Tips, 8 Reasons why Women Cheat: This May Surprise You!

Reason 1. Lack of attention and intimacy:      

How long can you go without receiving love and attention before you look somewhere else? Some can go for only days or weeks, and others can go for years. However, in general, women need and desire intimacy, physical touch, and mental and emotional attention.

Reason 2. Revenge:

Being cheated on is a very difficult act to forgive. For those of you who have been cheated on, you know how awful it feels. You feel deceived, hurt, angry, sad, numb and even violated. It also affects your self-esteem. At the moment, you find out your man cheated, your whole body begins to shake, you begin to sweat, your stomach drops, and you feel nauseated.

Reason 3. Bad sex:

Women need to feel desired and experience REAL orgasms during sex. If women are getting bad sex, not enough sex, non-emotional sex, or "wham-bam-thank-you-mam" sex, you may eventually lose interest in the relationship and look elsewhere for GOOD sex! This creates a temptation to seek sexual or emotional satisfaction elsewhere. In my opinion, it's best to communicate your needs to your man with the hopes that he will step it up a notch. You can do this on your own or with the help of a sex therapist.

Reason 4. Weight loss/plastic surgery:

Male attention increases quickly after a boob job, a butt implant or weight loss, and so does your self-confidence. With all this male attention, your temptation to cheat rises, and it takes more self-control to resist some of those male offers. Once you realize other guys want you, your desire to act on it may have you feeling euphoric. However, be careful, act wisely and make your pros and cons list.

Reason 5. Financial independence:

When you feel financially dependent on your husband or boyfriend, it's more difficult to speak up in arguments or leave the relationship. The fear of being alone and financially unstable keeps you in a one-down position. Now that women make their own money, enjoy working, and are good at it, the need to stay in an unhappy relationship is not necessary. That feeling of power and independence can be like seeing the red carpet laid out for you; all the way to those other fish in the sea.

Reason 6. Low self-esteem:

When you feel insecure about yourself, you have a need to seek validation from others. This can be in the form of sexual, emotional, or intellectual attention. When you don't love or value yourself, you may project that onto the person you are in a relationship with, and believe they don't love or value you. Even if your husband or boyfriend loves you greatly, you still may cheat because you find it hard to accept their unconditional love. I suggest reading one of the many self-help books out there on building your self-esteem, or get some counseling to help improve self-confidence.

Reason 7. Feeling under-appreciated:

When you are in a relationship, you like to please your man. Cooking a romantic dinner, buying sexy lingerie, and listening with your heart, are just a few ways you may show your love and appreciation. So what happens when you don't hear "thank you, please or I love you?” Holidays and birthdays come and you don't receive anything meaningful, nothing at all, not even a verbal acknowledgment. We all have thresholds, and once yours is reached, you may decide to act on a "thank you, please, or I love you" coming from another direction. Let your man know he may lose you if he continues to take you for granted.

Love tips, Why Do Fools Fall In Love?

Millie’s getting married! At her impromptu bachelorette party, Millie and her best friends dive into age-old questions about love, marriage, and the overwhelming dating game. As the celebration picks up steam and the drinks flow, the girls reveal scintillating secrets about their love lives as they poke fun and challenge each other to take control of their lives. Featuring smash pop-hits from the 1960s such as “My Boy Lollipop,” “I Will Follow Him,” “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me,” and “Hey There Lonely Boy,” this uplifting show reaffirms that during life’s struggles, true friendship will unveil its everlasting strength—and often with a real rocking’ beat